For you, my friend..
So at the risk of being branded a turncoat by my fellow femmes, I now unveil these truths about us women, in relationships.
- We hate your friends. At time very much, at times very little, but we do develop a healthy dislike for your male friends, especially if they are single. They are our real competition, as they can very well snare you away by your myriad video games and porn videos. We also hate your female friends to a lesser extent as they are potential competition. If she is intelligent, she will try to be more friends with us. We know that she is doing it so that you two can continue to be friends, but as long as she realizes our power in your life, we are okay with that.
- We hate it when you obsess over your past relationships. You broke up for a reason. Now get over that slut and focus on us! We are cool if you find it difficult to totally forget her; just do not make her the topic of discussion between us.
- Don't compare us to your mother. Granted, it might be your form of telling that we are absolutely wonderful, but your raves about how well we resemble your mother or any elderly female relative reminds us of a guy called Oedipus who had issues with his parents. Which is spooky.
- We hate it when you litter. Please, please pick up all the food crumbs that you leave on the floor. ie; if you want this relationship to continue.
- Don't cancel out on us. If you promise to be at someplace, then you better be there! Only exception is when you die or is paralyzed.
- It's ok to act jealous... a little. We love it when you think that we are stupid to stick with you. And it does give us a kick when you act a bit jealous. But if you really get jealous, then it is a no-no.
- You must like my friends. Unlike most of your friends, our friends are so much more pleasant. Try being friends with them. We love it when you do that.
- Give us gifts ' just because'. Buy us music, bring us flowers, buy us chocolates or soft toys, write us love letters... pamper us guys... We totally flip out on them, eventhough some of us have a hard time admitting that we like it.
- Don't make fun of us when we cry. Not if you want to live a long life.
- Never, ever hit us back. Not even if we beat you black and blue and make you undergo an near death experience. You hitting us is cruel and insensitive. We hitting you is light and playful. Period. No exceptions!