20051025

vaccum of emptiness

Surprisingly, life feels emptier than ever before.

My personal life is going great guns. I am surrounded by good friends, I have people whom I can call up at anytime and demand a hug, I do not fear my personal future, I am getting bike rides through country roads by the dozen...

Still, I am sliding, ever so slowly, into depression.

I am a competitive person by nature. I want to be considered amongst the best. I also think myself to be fairly intellectual and mature. I genarally measure myself against myself, echewing all external rating scales, but now, I suddenly feel rusty.

All around me, people are doing case studies, B Plans, paper writing, et al. Some will win, some will lose. All for one elusive CV bullet point for CRP. To eventually end up in some office, making colourful ppts.

I hate such competitions, but even then, I too am being sucked into the frenzy of B School Competitions. Why? I ask myself. Dont you have someone who loves you? Good friends? Slightly woozy, but caring parents? Don't you know that you will get a job, no matterwhat, as you are an XLer??

I know... but then again, this urge to just prove to others that I too can win their games with their rules is eating me inside out. My book is pulling me the other way. My book loses out. I lose out. And the cases, I hate them...

Speak up, someone!!

4 Comments:

Blogger DJ :

Hey Cheer up dude... Life is Beautiful.. Rejoice, again i say rejoice, pray ceaslessly, give thanks in all circumstances...

3:55 AM  
Blogger Jithu :

feeling empathetic, u wrote my feelings.. :-((

12:24 AM  
Blogger raven :

CAM!! Haven't participated in anything anywhere so far but this same urge is becoming all the more stronger with me too.

Thankfully my book is still winning.

But then what I want, I won't get come as many CV points as I may, and what I'll get, I'll get anyway. This defeatist thinking is helping me laze around and go on reading...

1:24 AM  
Anonymous AJ :

Its strange, the way you still talk about "them" and "their" rat races..and you..somehow I thought u were among your own over there..:) anyway, till the day companies start accepting our self grades for our worth as students, I guess we all have to bear the rat race...maybe not enjoy it, but learn to tolerate it.. atleast you have your books, your friends, and your loved ones around. Think of those who dont even have that sustainance :) Cheers

11:11 PM  

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