20050813

On the dock

I was called Poison Ivy by a friend back in the place where I was working. The reason was that I lashed out - literally - and clawed when people tried to bug me too much. All my friends has my claw marks on their arms as a memory of my friendship.

I am also the kind of person who give it all out for a relationship and when it doesn't cut out well, cut off everything and go underground. Many a good friends have tried in that KillBill-istic period to maintain the friendship, and I have stupidly, sadly, said no to them all. But I guess I could not have agreed to have them close, have them near, reminding me of what was once there and missing now.

However, I eventually tend to get over 'stuff' and then miss the friendship. I wish there could be the kind of good/fun/intellectual friends that I used to have in them.

I think I am more like a people collector, adding people to my repertoire for their particular characteristics.

Why am I thinking about all this now??

Because I miss my friends whom I chose to ditch when they acted out their human weaknesses thinking that as their friend, I would forgive them.

I didn't.

Because they thought I was strong enough to mean what I said.

I wasn't.

Now, when I am in a role reversal, how well I understand, how well I know. But here, I am going to anchor to the port, wait for the storm to get over, and then start my journey.

For this is not a trading ship, but a voyager ship. I am more interested in the journey than the eventual porting at a coast or the wreck that might happen.

Let the storm brew over and out. I am walking around this port city, taking in the sounds and smells and having a good time with my band of merry women, singing songs and enjoying the good life.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

Google PageRank Checker Tool