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And tonight, I am crying...

... Crying as a sentimental fool, for the two dead fish that my friends had, because one of them had to watch the other die.

... Crying for a life long lost, as the realization that my childhood and its magic is history hit me, and as those people whom I looked upto and believed always would be there, are dying, like fallen flowers.

... Crying in fear and desperation, as I feel lonely without people around me and feel too proud to ask for company, and not wanting to be rejected, I again withdraw to my shell...

... Crying in exasperation, as my friend Amelie promised something, chided a skeptical me for not trusting, and went off blissfully with other plans... And now, I do not trust to that extent, any more...

... Crying nostalgically, as I miss the monsoon in my native land, and the only link that connects me to it is the book "Chasing the Monsoon" and the Jampot rains.

... Crying in desperation, as my friend had her birthday today and I didn't even get her a card, let alone a present and missed her cake cutting in the mess...

... Crying in shame, because the child in me points an accusing finger everyday and reminds me that I am not what I could have been, would have been, should have been.

... Crying in helplessness, as I saw the one person in campus, who might have understood and experienced all my dark moods and sides and who would have made a good friend, but as of now a person about whom I will be writing " It was not nice not knowing you" in the yearbook, and seeing him too looking back, but never spoke a real word with each other, never ever swapped war stories, and now one more day gone, one more day wasted, by not knowing him.

I am crying for everything I should have done but didn't, should have forged but neglected, should have upheld but thrown away.

I wish I see better dreams.

1 Comments:

Blogger Baliga :

think of the dreams you u would not lived to see had you not dreamn't in the first place.

3:51 AM  

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