20050727 - The Group, the Prof, the buzzer and the room with the view
I am involved in a community project now. It seems that the entire universe is conspiring to take me out of my relationship phobia. When I came to XLRI, the only prayer that I had was that I should never fall in love here. I did not want my heart to get broken and then withdraw into a hard shell, turning bitter and disillusioned.
Then, I got to meet some really nice people. Good friends ready to hold hands, give a hug, lend ears and play agony uncles. Not exactly friends - well, you know what I mean - who are incredibily kind and help me to slow down and take it easy. Teachers who perceive your needs and allow you to signup for courses midway, and hold your hand and take you out of depression. Gal pals who are fantabulously non judgemental, good fun to be with and to share the past hurts, who hug you and help you leave all hurts in the past.
For a long, long time, I was afraid of love and loving other people. I tended to weight it out -how much will I get back, how long will it last, what will be my emotional investment...
Guess what? Having a protective shield across you really helps. I needed people around me, and there were souls who saw that they need to be there and refused to go away and stayed put, people to whom I am extremely grateful. Friends who egg you on to go smooch life on the lips in front of everyone, not fearing rejection .
I am ready to love myself and others; without calculating the margins involved in the transactions.
I am back to what I have been. What I would like to be.
And I thank you all for that.